I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
