The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you win again, gameday.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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