Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
