dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
