Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
