just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
