I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
