Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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