It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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