You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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