so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
