he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
one two three fourrrrnication!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
