Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
