i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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