I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
