so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
