Jerry, you need to find god
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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