I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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