he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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