Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
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Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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