fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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