did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
