it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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