I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
