My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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