If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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