think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
