If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
