I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize