Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
