drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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