I wish life had little blips of pornography
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
