I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
