I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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