and she was petting her beer can
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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