Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
