oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
