Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
