so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
People in love make me want to vomit
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
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There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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