No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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