What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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