I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish you could order shots online.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There r osticjed everywhere
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
