She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
