Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
