ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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