I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
