I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
