Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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