He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
