I don't usually arrange sex via text message
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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