make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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