you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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