I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
