How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
