two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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