The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
