just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
