Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
