I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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