I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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