everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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