the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
