My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
