nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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