This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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