Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
