i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
