I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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