I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
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Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
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I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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