He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
