Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
