He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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