That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
