My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
