Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
