she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
