there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
