I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
