you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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